The Tree

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A small hole in a tree

Becomes a door

If you know where

To look for it

And once inside

Passages twist

And turn

Secret rooms

The tree is a castle

Silent

Except for my screams

A loud angry scream

It doesn’t heal my pain

But it distracts from it

Screaming makes the air

That I desperately need

Fill my lungs, clarity

God I love this tree

A retreat from the world

I am free

But I can’t stay here

Forever in these empty rooms

And empty hallways

 Sooner or later

I’ll have to go

Out of that tree

I have no choice

Not here or out there

No choice in the matter

Footprints

Footprints in the dirt
by the train tracks leaving town
friends spending time
waiting to get out or waiting to stay stuck

Footprints in the snow
just passing through
I’ll be gone before you know
unless you are with me

Footprints in a flowerbed
left while picking flowers
smelling summer but
it is still only spring

Footprints in the wet sand
until a wave comes by
the summer begins to wrap up
people returning from trips

Footprints in the leaves
that fell from the trees
along the path to school
oranges and yellow turn to brown

Footprints in the snow again
a man with a carrot nose
footprints and covered by more snow
more footprints that melt away

Footprints by the flowers again
a gardener yells to get out his plants
silly teenagers he thinks they ruin everything
but they run away and all that’s left are the marks

Footprints in the sand again
flip flops, ice cream, denim shorts
the prints are washed away by ocean
but the ghosts stay behind

Footprints by the tracks
still killing time
still waiting to get out
still hoping not to get stuck

Pain

What is pain?
Is it the sting of an insect?
Or the burn of fire?
Is it the cut of a knife?
Or a heart that broke?
Is pain grief for a loss?
Is pain everything?
Does it have a real meaning?
Or is pain something
one can only have a grasp on
when they are in it?
Can you explain pain to someone
who hasn’t experienced it?
Can you tell them how it feels?
I can’t find the words for it.
Can you?
I think pain can’t be measured
if the cause is gone.
Can you remember pain?
I can remember being in pain
but not how it felt.
I can tell you it hurt
but I can bring to mind
how it hurt?
Was it a sting?
A burn?
A cut?
I can’t seem to tell you.
Was my first crush rejecting me a sting?
Was it a jab?
Was it a jolt?
Can you tell me?

It Has to be me

I lost a friend to an overdose
he did not know
exactly how much
he touched my life
at the time of his death
Lying there in his sister’s arms
I’m sure he did not think of me
and why should he have?
he was dying
his last thoughts
precious and valuable  
should not have been wasted on me

I lost a friend to an illness
he did not know
exactly how much
he touched my life
at the time of his death
Lying there his eyes slipping closed
I’m sure he did not think of me
and why should he have?
he was dying
his last thoughts
precious and valuable
should not have been wasted on me

But I hope that years from now
when I take my last breath
and I use my last words
my last thoughts
to think of my dear friends
they know that they helped me
that they changed me
that thoughts of them got me through

I survived my father’s rage
and my mother’s hate
I survived the broken hearts
and the fighting words
and the unbearable pain
because they didn’t
they didn’t survive
and i owe it to them
that one of us does
and since they are gone
it has to be me

The Waves

The waves wash to shore gently
but they have power behind them
they come to shore day after day
with a simple elegance that can not be changed
it can not be replaced
nor can it ever be stopped
The waves are simply there
and they have been there
and they will be there for years
one little girl, small, holding her father’s hand
dipping her feet in the waves
the same girl, older, braver
swimming far out into the ocean
with a blue board to catch a wave
and to take it back to shore
the same girl, now much older
in a pink bikini wading in the water
an arm holds the bathing suit on
when the waves try to steal it away
The girl who gets out of the water
to work on a tan and to flirt with boys
And the same girl now really a woman
in a wedding dress, laughing, smiling
taking pictures with her new husband
now she has her own little girl
and the cycle starts yet again
a life with a backdrop of waves
and the waves never change
they are always there
following the same patterns

Mispoken

Words that have no meaning

Circling like snakes

Making everything worse

They do not offer comfort

They do not fix mistakes

Circles around circles

Solving nothing

Ruining everything

Mistakes are remembered

Words that have no meaning

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