It Has to be me

I lost a friend to an overdose
he did not know
exactly how much
he touched my life
at the time of his death
Lying there in his sister’s arms
I’m sure he did not think of me
and why should he have?
he was dying
his last thoughts
precious and valuable  
should not have been wasted on me

I lost a friend to an illness
he did not know
exactly how much
he touched my life
at the time of his death
Lying there his eyes slipping closed
I’m sure he did not think of me
and why should he have?
he was dying
his last thoughts
precious and valuable
should not have been wasted on me

But I hope that years from now
when I take my last breath
and I use my last words
my last thoughts
to think of my dear friends
they know that they helped me
that they changed me
that thoughts of them got me through

I survived my father’s rage
and my mother’s hate
I survived the broken hearts
and the fighting words
and the unbearable pain
because they didn’t
they didn’t survive
and i owe it to them
that one of us does
and since they are gone
it has to be me